Mouzamar

Patient Joke A stutterer walks in to a doctor’s office and says, “Doc-c-c-tor, my s-s-s-stuttering is a real p-p-pain in the n-n-neck, please help.” - The doctor examines him and finally finds the root of the problem: “Well, Mr Denny, the thing is, your pecker is too big and takes up too much blood that would normally go in the brain. We have to operate and take at least a half of it off.” - A month after the operation the stutterer comes back for a check-up and sighs, “Doctor, it really helped my stuttering and that is a relief. But my wife is very unhappy with the situation. Could the amputated bit be sewn back on, please?” - Doctor: “Sorry, but n-n-n-n-no.” Babies Joke A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back ...

Crazy Joke Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving? I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play. Cool Joke What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving? The family dog’s nose. Funny Quotes “I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” Jon Stewart Thanksgiving Joke What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving? Traditionally, the letter G. Aunt Joke Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner? It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey. Funny Facts In 2001, a seven foot bull shark bit off a boy’s arm. His uncle not only saved the boy, but dived in after the shark, wrestled it to shore where the shark was shot, retrieved the boy’s arm and it was sewn back on in the hospital. Dentist Joke Why did the Donut visit the dentist? To get a new filling. Marriage Joke Why did the bee marry? He’s finally found his honey....

जज: (नवीन नवऱ्यास) तुम्हाला घटस्फोट का हवा आहे? नवरा: कारण बायको मला लसूण सोलायला लावते, कांदे कापायला सांगते, भांडी घासायला आणि कपडे धुवायला सांगते. जज: मग त्यात एवढे अवघड काय आहे? लसूण थोडा गरम करून घ्या म्हणजे सोलायला सोपा होईल, कांदे कापण्यापूर्वी ते काही वेळ फ्रीजमध्ये ठेवा म्हणजे कापताना डोळे जळजळणार नाहीत. भांडी घासण्यापूर्वी १० मिनिटे पाण्याच्या टबमध्ये ठेवा म्हणजे लवकर स्वच्छ होतील आणि कपडे धुण्यापूर्वी अर्धा तास सर्फमध्ये भिजत ठेवा म्हणजे एकही डाग राहाणार नाही. नवरा: माय लाॅर्ड, आता मला समजले. माझा अर्ज मला परत द्या. जज: काय समजले? नवरा: हेच की आपली अवस्था माझ्यापेक्षाही वाईट आहे. एक मुलगा देवाला विचारतो, 'तिला गुलाबाचं फूल का आवडतं??? ते तर एका दिवसात मरून जातं....! मग तिला मी का आवडत नाही ??? मी तर तिच्यासाठी रोज मरत असतो.......! 'देव उत्तर देतात, . . . . . . 'भारी रे....! एक नंबर ....! ती समोरच्या दुकानात गेली.... . तिथं दुकानदाराचा तरुण देखणा मुलगा सोडला तर दुसरं कोणीही नव्हतं... . ती थोडीशी लाजुन म्हणाली, 'बोलायचं आहे' तो : बोला... ती : तुम्ही खुप छान...

PRANKS 09 GAGS 09 BEST COMEDIANS 09 OTHER COMEDIANS 09 JOKES 09 Mr. BEAN 09 This is a post on funny videos for kids.

Sexist Joke I was looking for that thing that peels potatoes, apples and carrots. I’ve asked my kids if they had any idea. Apparently she left 2 days ago. Women Joke 1. You should have a woman who works at home, who cooks, keeps things tidy and has a job. 2. You should have a woman who can make you smile and laugh. 3. You should have a woman you can trust, a woman who never lies to you. 4. You should have a woman who is good in bed and enjoys spending time with you. 5. And you should always, always keep these four women from ever meeting each other. Winter Joke Wife sends a text message to her husband on a really cold winter morning: Windows are totally frozen, will not open. Husband replies: “Carefully pour some warm water over it and tap the edges first with your hand, if that doesn’t work, then gently with a hammer.” 15 minutes later, the wife texts back: “Oh no, I think the laptop is now totally gone.” Husband Joke My new wife left me because of my huge insecurity problems....

Alcoholic Joke How can they call it "Alcoholics Anonymous" when the first thing you do is you stand up and say, ‘My name is John and I am an alcoholic’? Funny Joke Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!" Optimist: "Nah, of course they can!" Peanuts Joke A nice old lady on a bus offers the driver some peanuts. He’s happy to take some. He asks her after a while why she isn’t having any herself. “Oh, young man,” she says, “they’re too hard on my poor teeth, I couldn’t.” “Why did you buy them at all then?” wonders the driver. “You see, I just love the chocolate they’re covered in!” Shark Joke A mom shark is teaching her son how to hunt swimmers properly. - “So, first you go and circle them making sure your fin is showing. And then you go at them full blast and eat them.” “OK, but why don’t I just go at them full blast and eat them right away?” “I guess you could, son, but would you really want to eat them with all that shit in their intest...

Weight Joke It’s all a matter of viewpoint. 250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. Fat? No. I’m just not on the right planet. Dinner Joke A cannibal came home late to family dinner. He got the cold shoulder. Magic Joke A magician was driving down the road and turned into a shopping mall. Drugs Joke I do say no to drugs. It’s just they’re not so good at listening. Job Joke You can’t fire me! Slaves can only be sold!! Exorcism Joke If you forget to pay for exorcism, will you get repossessed? Time Joke Future. The time you’ll wish you’d done more in the current present. Money Joke I kept trying to feed money into the change machine yesterday, but nothing changed! Marriage Joke I don’t think it would work between us, Larry. You know, I’m a Libra and you’re an pig. Drunk Joke "I wasn't that drunk yesterday." "Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying." Cleaning Joke Of course I should clean my windows. But privacy is i...

Wife Joke “Why do you look so sad?” “I wanted to drown my worries but my wife didn’t want to go in the water.” Guy Joke I heard that it is easier to find a girlfriend when you have things in common. So girls, I like to breath. Uniform Joke I heard women love a man in uniform. Can’t wait to start working at McDonalds. Woman Joke You really are the most jealous woman I know. Oh, so you know lots of other women, do you?! Car Joke My car horn now sounds like gunshots. People move out of the way much faster recently. Fridge Joke If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge? Politician Joke It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets. Grandpa Joke “Mom, can I play with grandpa?” “No, you just leave him hanging until the police comes.” Dirty Joke What is agony? You are a one-armed man hanging off a cliff. Suddenly your butt starts to itch. Postman Joke Famous last words of a postman: What a lovely dog you have! Cleaning Jo...

Witty Joke Man to his wife: ' I’d never say you’re fat! You’re just a bit more visible. Ghost Joke Why are ghost such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through. Nose Joke What would you call a person who had no body and no nose? Nobody knows. Naughty Joke I saw this sweet poor old lady fall down the stairs and hurt herself. At least I assume she was poor because I didn’t find more than 3.50 in her wallet. Calendar Joke Here, I bought you a calendar. Your days are numbered now. Fish Joke Where do fish sleep? In the River Bed. Talk Joke Talk is cheap, yeah? Have you ever talked to a lawyer?! Driving Joke My wife’s driving test went surprisingly well yesterday. She got 7 out of 12. The 5 managed to run to safety. Hospital Joke I called the hospital but the line was dead. Husband Joke Husband: Wow, honey, you look really different today. Did you do something to your hair? Wife: Michael, I’m over here! Tree Joke Do you know a tree’s favorite drink? Root beer! P...

PRANKS 08 GAGS 08 BEST COMEDIANS 08 OTHER COMEDIANS 08 JOKES 08 Mr. BEAN 08 This is a post on funny videos YouTube.

Your Mama so fat her pinky toe is the size of Africa. Your Mama's so fat, I used the elastic from her underwear for bungee jumping. Your Mama so fat when they ran out of mayonnaise they killed her and had a lifetime supply. Your Mama so fat the only letters of the alphabet she knows is KFC. Your Mama so fat the only thing stopping her from taking a holiday is the front door. Your mama so fat her mom's still in therapy from after birth. Your Mama so fat that when she burped, a black hole formed. Fortunately, she was there to clog it up. Your Mama so fat she thought the Earth was a gum ball. Your Mama is so fat every time she tries to sing she sings like this, blah hamburger blah. Your mama is so fat people think she causes earthquakes. Your Mama so fat they install speed bumps at all you can eat buffets. Your Mama so fat she play slip and slide with the free way. Your Mama so fat when she opens the fridge it says I give up. Your Mama so fat that the help is not possible. Your ma...

Broom Joke What did mama broom say to baby broom? Time to go to sweep, baby. Milk Joke What gives us milk and has one horn? A milk truck. Snail Joke When can you be sure a snail is lying to you? When he says he’s not home. Talk Joke Q: Which flower is the most talkative? A: Tulips, of course, they can’t keep those lips shut! Baby Joke Q: Why couldn't the pony sing his baby a lullaby? A: She was a little hoarse. Chimney Joke Q: What did the tall chimney say to the small chimney? A: "Hey, you’re way too young to smoke." Monkey Joke How does a monkey ring the doorbell? King Kong! King Kong! Snake Joke How to measure a snake? In inches. Snakes don’t have feet. Teacher Joke Why was the teacher cross-eyed? Her pupils got out of control. Bee Joke Why did the bee have sticky hair? Because he was using a honey-comb. Egg Joke How to make an egg giggle? Tell it a yolk. Bird Joke What bird is the strongest lifter? A crane. Ex Joke What does your ex and slinky have in common...

Fridge Joke One day, fridges will take their revenge. They will burst into your bedroom in the middle of the night, switch the light on, stare at you for a few minutes and then leave. Kangaroo Joke A female kangaroo scratches her stomach for a while like mad and finally yells, “How often do I have to repeat myself, no cookies in bed!!!” Birth Joke Mummy, where where you when I was born? In the hospital. And daddy? At work. That’s great. So nobody was home when I arrived. Baby Joke Little Ernie asks his auntie, “Why do you have such a big tummy, aunt Lisa?” “Because there’s a baby inside.” “Do you like babies?” “Very much!” “Well I still think it isn’t right to eat them.“ Fish Joke Little Johnny walks into a pet store and asks the shop assistant: “Could you do me a big favor and throw me a fish please?” “Why on Earth would you want me to throw you a fish?!” “Because I want to tell everybody at home that I caught a fish. Jumping Joke Three bunnies want to jump a wall. First one jumps and...

Fast Joke What is the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it smashes against the windscreen of a car going 70 mph? Its butt. Selfish Joke He: Honey, I have to tell you something. I have AIDS. She: I know. Bad Joke KID : Dad, what do condoms do? DAD : Son, they prevent questions just like that one. Plane Joke I asked the stewardess to switch my seat on a plane because I was seated right next to a screaming baby. Apparently that's not something they let you do if the baby is your own. Offensive Joke Doctor: “Well - Mrs. Smith, it would seem that you're pregnant.” Mrs. Smith: “Sweet Jesus, that's wonderful, I'm pregnant?!” Doctor: “Oh no, but at first glance, it would certainly seem so. Here's our weight loss brochure.” Rude Joke A girl to her boyfriend: “I’m breaking up with you!” - “But why?” - “Because you’re constantly making fun of my weight!” - “Oh come on, honey, don’t be like that! Here, grab these two chairs, sit yourself down on them and we w...

Yo Momma is so fat if she buys a fur coat, a species will be extinct. Yo Momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in. Yo Momma so fat she's on both sides the family. Yo Momma so fat she got a parking ticket for standing at a crosswalk. Yo Momma so fat she's skinny. Yo Momma so fat that when she walked by the TV set I missed 3 seasons of Laguna Beach Yo mama so fat, you could slap her butt and ride the waves. Yo mama so fat when she tossed in her sleep she woke up in another time zone. Yo momma so fat she stepped on the scale and it said one person at the time. Yo mama so fat that when I tried to swerve around her I ran out of petrol London Bridge was falling down because yo fat mama walked on it. Yo mummas so fat that when she went to Japan in a green bikini they all started yelling Godzilla Godzilla. Yo mamma is so fat, when she walked in front of the television, I missed a whole football season. Yo mama is so fat I already got a nightmare Ya mum so fat she ...

PRANKS 07 GAGS 07 BEST COMEDIANS 07 OTHER COMEDIANS 07 JOKES 07 Mr. BEAN 07 This post is dedicated to rare and unique video clips that are paramount in comedy and fun.

PRANKS 06 GAGS 06 BEST COMEDIANS 06 OTHER COMEDIANS 06 JOKES 06 Mr. BEAN 06 This post contains an extraordinary collection of funny video clips that are interesting and enjoyable.

Animals Joke Teacher tells Maia, “Name me three African animals.” Maia: “One lion and two giraffes.” Relationship Joke Romantic relationships can actually be represented in algebra. You for example, have definitely at some point looked at your X and asked yourself Y. Restaurant Joke I went on a date with a chess player to an Italian restaurant. With checkered table cloths. It took him maybe half an hour to pass the salt. Astronaut Joke Why are astronauts always so calm and efficient? Zero pressure in vacuum. Machine Joke I’ll never buy a vacuum cleaner. It would only just gather dust. Geek Joke How can you tell a programmer is an extrovert? When you’re talking to him, he’s looking at your shoes. Tax Joke A fine is a tax when you’ve been doing something wrong. A tax is a fine you get when you’ve been doing something right. Mushroom Joke Any mushroom can be eaten. The trick is to find those mushrooms that can be eaten more than once. Ladder Joke Here’s my step ladder. I’v...

Cannibals Joke Two cannibals are enjoying dinner. One compliments the other, "I say, Bill, your wife really makes a great meal." Youth Joke Around 50% of our youth sees the future in a positive way. The other half doesn’t have the money to buy the drugs. Surgeon Joke How did the dentist suddenly become a brain surgeon? A slip of the hand. Parachute Joke A guy asked at a skydiving school, "If the chute doesn't open and the reserve doesn't open either, how long until we hit the ground?" The instructor looked at him and said, "The rest of your life." Mum Joke But mum, I don't want to go to America. Hush child and keep swimming. Witty Joke Q: Why did the one-armed man cross the road? A: To get to the second hand shop. Arab Joke Two Arabs sit in the Gaza Strip, enjoying a quiet pint of goat milk. One takes out his wallet and starts flipping through the pictures. - "This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. This here is my second son...

Doctor Joke Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do? First of all, don't give him anything to drink. Strong People Joke Strong people don't put other people down. They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact. Army Joke Join the Army, meet some fascinating people, then kill them. Fight Joke Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them. Card Joke “Do you have Valentines cards that say something like “You’re my only one?” Sure thing. Wonderful! I’ll take 8 of those please. Mom Joke Mom, I’m still having those sharp headaches! Well why don’t you move away from in front of the dart board then?! Witty Joke A mom tells her son a joke; the son is embarrassed and says: "Mom, please don't tell any more jokes. You really can't make them." The mom only shrugs and says, "Well – I did make you..." Smart Joke Doctor tells his patient, “I’m afraid you are going...

Boy Joke Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home. One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: who just threw that?! Boy: Me! I’m going home now. Gift Joke My daughter loved the picture frame her five-year-old son bought her for Mother’s Day. She found a photograph of him and replaced the cat photo that came with it. Landon became upset: "Why are you putting a picture of me in there when I bought you a picture of a cat?" Teenager Joke My 13-year-old nephew thought his "gangsta" outfit—low-riding pants and exposed boxers—made him look cool. That is, until the day his five-year-old cousin took notice. "Nathaniel," she yelled out in front of everyone. "Your panties are showing." Father Joke All parents are proud of overachieving children, and one father was no exception. The bumper sticker on his car read "My Kid Made Your License Plate." Military Joke Our friend tells everyone that he began losing his hair while serving ...

तीसरी क्लास का बच्चा (टीचर से) :- मैडम मै आपको कैसा लगता हूँ ?? मैडम :- सो स्वीट… बच्चो :- तो मै अपने मम्मी पापा को कब भेजूं आपके घर ?? मैडम :- क्यों ?? बच्चा :- बात आगे बढाने के लिये…….! मैडम :- ये क्या बकवास है ?? बच्चा :- ट्युशन के लिए……! क्या मैडम आप भी ना… कसम से व्हाट्सएप पढ-पढ कर बिगड. गई हो… टीचर: हिम्मत ए मर्दा तो मदद ए खुदा का मतलब बताओ? संजू: जो अपनी बीवी के सामने मर्द बनने की कोशिश करता है उसकी मदद फिर खुदा ही कर सकता है। टीचर: अगर रात में मच्छर काटे तो क्या करना चाहिए? लड़का: चुपचाप खुजा कर सो जाना चाहिए। क्योंकि आप कोई रजनीकांत तो हो नहीं कि मच्छर से सॉरी बुलवा लोगे। टीचर-संजू एक स्टोरी सूनाओ विद मॉरल संजू -मैने उसको फोन किया वो सो रही थी…. फिर उसने मुझे फोन किया मैं सो रहा था …. . मॉरल – जैसी करनी वैसी भरनी टीचर:- एक तरफ पैसा,दुसरी तरफ अक्कल, क्या चुनोगे ? विद्यार्थीः पैसा. टीचर:- गलत, मै अक्कल चुनती विद्यार्थीः- आप सही कह रही हो मेडम,जिसके पास जिस चीज की कमी होती है वो वही चुनता है …………… दे थप्पड़ दे थप्पड़ जी जान लगा दी हमने, “नाम” को “दस्तख़त” बनाने में। ये “कमबख़्त” ...

Veterans Joke When I took my school-age daughters to a lunch with veterans, I told them to ask questions. One of the men said he’d fought in the Korean War, and the girls were so impressed that the eldest wanted to know more: "Did you fight for the North or the South?" Class Joke My five-year-old nephew has always happily answered to BJ. That ended when he came home from his first day of school in a foul mood. It seems his teacher took roll, and he never heard his name. "Why didn’t anyone tell me my name was William!?" he complained. Daughter Joke Our six-year-old daughter, Terra, has a need to ask questions … lots of questions. Finally, one day, my wife had had it. "Have you ever heard that curiosity killed the cat?" my wife asked. "No," replied Terra. "Well, there was a cat, and he was very inquisitive. And one day, he looked into a big hole, fell in, and died!" Terra was intrigued: "What was in the hole?" Mother Joke I...

Yes I Made It A blond is walking on the street when she suddenly falls inside an uncovered manhole. She swears her way back up the ladder and manages to crawl all the way up, her clothes getting all torn up in the process. When she gets back to the top she wipes off the sweat from her forehead and says "Thank God the hole wasn't covered, or I would've never made it out!" Wrong Guess  A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULLOVER!”NO," the blonde yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!" The Best Way to Lose Weight An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds. The blonde ...

We’ll we’ll we’ll, and if it isn’t the Autocorrect. 5 and 2 had an argument. 2 1 Fun fact Did you know that when you take all the nerves from a human body and align them so they’re forming a straight line, you’ll end up in jail for a really, really long time? What do you get when you wake up on a workday and realize you ran out of coffee?  A depresso. I used to breed rabbits. Then I realized they can handle it themselves. Google request: How to disable autocorrect in wife? Why are eggs not very much into jokes? Because they could crack up. What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth? A slow swimmer. I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problems. The first thing the rascal did was made me pay in advance. Does your horse smoke? No. Well, then I think your stable is burning. What are a shark’s two most favorite words? Man overboard! “Waiter, the steak is smelling very strongly of liquor!” The waiter backs up 3 steps and asks, “How’s that ...

Gardener Joke A gardener picks up horse droppings off the road. This interests a passerby: “What do you do with the droppings?” Gardener: “I sprinkle it on my strawberries.” Passerby: “Funny, we usually use sugar…” Dog Joke A farmer needs to know how many sheep he has in his field. He calls his German Shepherd dog to count them for him. The dog runs off, counts the sheep and returns to the farmer. "How many?" asks the farmer. "40," replies the dog. The farmer is startled and says, "What do you mean, 40 - I only bought 37!" The dog shrugs, "I rounded them up." Result Joke Child: “Mom, I have a good and a bad news.” Mother: “OK, start with the good one.” Child: “I scored an A in the math test.” Mother: “That’s awesome Lisa! And what’s the bad news?” Child: “That this was only a joke.” Ladder Joke Lilly bursts into the house from the garden and tells her mom out of breath: “Mom, mom, I accidentally knocked over the big ladder that was le...

Password Joke Once Santa Singh entered a cybercafe to check his mail. It was crowded so he had to wait..As he waited he saw a man checking his mail. He stood behind him and watched. The man typed his password and was waiting when Santa Singh cried out “Yes yes I know your password. I can read your mails now. "Surprised the man asked "Oh yeah, tell me what is it”. Santa Singh replied” Five stars." The other guy who was actually Mr. Sardar replied,"itz 56473 idiot". Grandfather Joke Banta: “My grandfather’s watch fell into a well and when it was found after 30 years, it was still keeping correct time” Santa: What is so great about it? Once my grandfather fell into a well, and after thirty years when he was taken out, he was still alive.” Banta: “How can it be possible? What was he doing in the well for thirty years?” Santa: “He was winding your grandfather’s wrist-watch.” Q & A Jokes Bank manager asks Santa in an interview: "What is cyclone" Santa: ...

Breakup Joke If you need to break up with somebody, the best place to do so is McDonald's. There are no plates or glasses to be broken over your head, no sharp knives or spiky forks, plus you can always hide behind a fat kid. Doctor Joke Patient: Doctor, I’m starting to forget things. Doctor: I understand. Patient: Understand what? Man Joke Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. Suicide Joke There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt. Smelling Joke What is brown, small, and smells of caramel? A diabetic who’s been struck by lightning. House Joke I visited my new friend in his flat. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors. Hospital Joke My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital. I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering “Chun Yu Yan” over and over – and then died. I was very sad and ...

Car Jokes My five-year-old son is crazy about cars, so I took him to his 
first car show. He loved seeing all 
the different models and brands 
and gushed over the big engines, 
the colors, and even the wheels. But the car he was most impressed with was a hearse. “Mom!” he shouted. “Look at all this storage!” Chicken Joke Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors? A: If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan. Dentist Joke After cleaning my five-year-old patient’s teeth, I accompanied him to the reception area, only to see him struggle with the oak door. “It’s heavy, isn’t it?” I asked. “Yes,” he said. “Is that so children can’t escape?” Phone Joke I was visiting a friend who could not find her cordless phone. After several minutes of searching, her young daughter said, “You know what they should invent? A phone that stays connected to its base so it never gets lost.” Superman Joke A concerned police officer approaches a boy who is crying in front of a newsstand. “What’s wrong?” the...