Fat Jokes
Restaurant Joke
You ever accidentally go up to a real big fat person, and you accidentally ask them for a good place to eat? And they look at you and say they don't know. And you're looking at them, like, 'You do know. I bet if I follow you for an hour, we gonna be eatin'.
Diet Joke
A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight. "I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?" "Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes." The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head. "But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!" "True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
Girl Joke
Two fat girls were walking, when the bus came. One says to another: “ Is it my turn to ride on a bus today?
Girlfriend Joke
My girlfriend's so fat when she fell over in the sand she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up. She was eventually woken by a lifeguard who asked her to move back because the tide was waiting to come in.
Salesgirl Joke
After queueing up for almost half an hour in the pharmacy last week, I finally got to the counter. The woman looked at me and said, "I'm really sorry about your wait." I said, "You're not so skinny yourself, actually."
Weighing Scale Joke
A guy is standing on the bathroom scales desperately sucking in his stomach. "That's not going to help," says his wife. "Yes,it will," replies the man. "It's the only way I can see the numbers!"
Fat Woman Joke
A woman who was rather on the large side turned up at the theatre just before the performance was due to start. She handed the usher two tickets. The usher asked, "Where's the other party?" The woman blushed. "Well, you see one seat's a bit small for me and rather uncomfortable so I bought two. But they're both really for me." "That's fine with me, Ma'am," the usher replied, scratching his head. "There's just one problem. Your seats are numbers 47 and 65."
Wife Joke
I was lying in bed with my wife last night. She looked at me seductively and said, "I'm wide awake, babe." I said, "You're wide when you're asleep too."
Husband Wife Joke
My wife asked me for something that does nought to sixty in 5 seconds for her birthday. I bought her a set of bathroom scales.
Husband Joke
I love you loads, honeypie." My wife said to me earlier. I replied, "And I love you tons." "What, no nickname for me?" She asked, disappointed. Sometimes I swear she's going deaf.
Husband And Wife Joke
My obese wife died last night. In her memory I'm going to eat a chocolate cake. It's what she would have wanted.
Fat Joke
My wife told me to grow up. I told her I would when she stopped growing sideways.
Religious Joke
After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away. They agree and the pastor greets the family. "I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust." "That's right, Johnny, I did." "And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust." "Yes, I'm glad you were listening. Why do you ask?" "Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed 'cause there's someone either comin' or goin'!"
This is a post on fat jokes.
You ever accidentally go up to a real big fat person, and you accidentally ask them for a good place to eat? And they look at you and say they don't know. And you're looking at them, like, 'You do know. I bet if I follow you for an hour, we gonna be eatin'.
Diet Joke
A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight. "I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?" "Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes." The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head. "But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!" "True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
Girl Joke
Two fat girls were walking, when the bus came. One says to another: “ Is it my turn to ride on a bus today?
Girlfriend Joke
My girlfriend's so fat when she fell over in the sand she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up. She was eventually woken by a lifeguard who asked her to move back because the tide was waiting to come in.
Salesgirl Joke
After queueing up for almost half an hour in the pharmacy last week, I finally got to the counter. The woman looked at me and said, "I'm really sorry about your wait." I said, "You're not so skinny yourself, actually."
Weighing Scale Joke
A guy is standing on the bathroom scales desperately sucking in his stomach. "That's not going to help," says his wife. "Yes,it will," replies the man. "It's the only way I can see the numbers!"
Fat Woman Joke
A woman who was rather on the large side turned up at the theatre just before the performance was due to start. She handed the usher two tickets. The usher asked, "Where's the other party?" The woman blushed. "Well, you see one seat's a bit small for me and rather uncomfortable so I bought two. But they're both really for me." "That's fine with me, Ma'am," the usher replied, scratching his head. "There's just one problem. Your seats are numbers 47 and 65."
Wife Joke
I was lying in bed with my wife last night. She looked at me seductively and said, "I'm wide awake, babe." I said, "You're wide when you're asleep too."
Husband Wife Joke
My wife asked me for something that does nought to sixty in 5 seconds for her birthday. I bought her a set of bathroom scales.
Husband Joke
I love you loads, honeypie." My wife said to me earlier. I replied, "And I love you tons." "What, no nickname for me?" She asked, disappointed. Sometimes I swear she's going deaf.
Husband And Wife Joke
My obese wife died last night. In her memory I'm going to eat a chocolate cake. It's what she would have wanted.
Fat Joke
My wife told me to grow up. I told her I would when she stopped growing sideways.
Religious Joke
After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away. They agree and the pastor greets the family. "I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust." "That's right, Johnny, I did." "And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust." "Yes, I'm glad you were listening. Why do you ask?" "Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed 'cause there's someone either comin' or goin'!"
This is a post on fat jokes.
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