Fast Joke What is the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it smashes against the windscreen of a car going 70 mph? Its butt. Selfish Joke He: Honey, I have to tell you something. I have AIDS. She: I know. Bad Joke KID : Dad, what do condoms do? DAD : Son, they prevent questions just like that one. Plane Joke I asked the stewardess to switch my seat on a plane because I was seated right next to a screaming baby. Apparently that's not something they let you do if the baby is your own. Offensive Joke Doctor: “Well - Mrs. Smith, it would seem that you're pregnant.” Mrs. Smith: “Sweet Jesus, that's wonderful, I'm pregnant?!” Doctor: “Oh no, but at first glance, it would certainly seem so. Here's our weight loss brochure.” Rude Joke A girl to her boyfriend: “I’m breaking up with you!” - “But why?” - “Because you’re constantly making fun of my weight!” - “Oh come on, honey, don’t be like that! Here, grab these two chairs, sit yourself down on them and we w
Alcoholic Joke How can they call it "Alcoholics Anonymous" when the first thing you do is you stand up and say, ‘My name is John and I am an alcoholic’? Funny Joke Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!" Optimist: "Nah, of course they can!" Peanuts Joke A nice old lady on a bus offers the driver some peanuts. He’s happy to take some. He asks her after a while why she isn’t having any herself. “Oh, young man,” she says, “they’re too hard on my poor teeth, I couldn’t.” “Why did you buy them at all then?” wonders the driver. “You see, I just love the chocolate they’re covered in!” Shark Joke A mom shark is teaching her son how to hunt swimmers properly. - “So, first you go and circle them making sure your fin is showing. And then you go at them full blast and eat them.” “OK, but why don’t I just go at them full blast and eat them right away?” “I guess you could, son, but would you really want to eat them with all that shit in their intest
Fridge Joke One day, fridges will take their revenge. They will burst into your bedroom in the middle of the night, switch the light on, stare at you for a few minutes and then leave. Kangaroo Joke A female kangaroo scratches her stomach for a while like mad and finally yells, “How often do I have to repeat myself, no cookies in bed!!!” Birth Joke Mummy, where where you when I was born? In the hospital. And daddy? At work. That’s great. So nobody was home when I arrived. Baby Joke Little Ernie asks his auntie, “Why do you have such a big tummy, aunt Lisa?” “Because there’s a baby inside.” “Do you like babies?” “Very much!” “Well I still think it isn’t right to eat them.“ Fish Joke Little Johnny walks into a pet store and asks the shop assistant: “Could you do me a big favor and throw me a fish please?” “Why on Earth would you want me to throw you a fish?!” “Because I want to tell everybody at home that I caught a fish. Jumping Joke Three bunnies want to jump a wall. First one jumps and
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