Funny Kid's Jokes

Recipe Joke
While I was making a huge batch of snicker doodle cookies, I asked my ten-year-old to read the recipe and ingredients off the box to me, doubling them as he went along. He did as he was told. His first instruction: "Preheat the oven to 700 degrees."

Gift Joke
When he received a journal as a gift, my eight-year-old son was mystified. "Mom, what am I supposed to do with this? The pages are blank." "You write down interesting stuff that happens to you," I said. "So it’s like a blog … on paper."

Marine Joke
When my ex-Marine father-in-law was at my house, our six-year-old neighbor came by to play with my kids. I asked her if she knew who he was. She looked up at him with her big blue eyes and said, "I don’t remember what his name is, but I know he used to be a submarine."

Skirt Joke
I love making clothes for my five-year-old granddaughter. And she, in turn, always seems happy to accept them. The other day, I asked if she would like me to make her a skirt. "Yes," she said. "But this time, could you make it look like it came from a store?"

Mistress Joke
Up on the screen at our local multiplex, the star whispered to his female costar, "I want you to be my mistress." "What’s a mistress?" my eight-year-old granddaughter yelled out. Then the man gave the woman a passionate kiss. "Never mind," my granddaughter said.

Music Joke
At my ten-year-old’s request, I loaded my Rolling Stones tunes onto his iPod. "I had no idea you liked the Stones," I said. "Sure. I like all that old-fashioned music," he said. "What do you mean, ‘old-fashioned music’?" "You know," he said defensively. "Music from the 1900s."

Air Force Joke
"Daddy," said my 11-year-old daughter, "I think I want to join the Army." "Baby," I answered, "I think the Air Force would be a better option for you." "But I don’t want to be a pilot." "You don’t have to be a pilot," I told her. "There are other jobs in the Air Force." Her answer: "I don’t want to be a flight attendant either."

Car Joke
Every morning, I do a mad dash to drop off my son Tyler at day care so I can get to work on time. My impatience hit home one morning when he piped up from the back of the car, "Our car is really fast and everyone else’s is slow because they’re all idiots, right, Mom?"

Stranger Joke
My cousin, a teacher, asked her young students, "Why should you never accept candy from strangers?" One girl knew. "Because it might be past the sell-by date."

Zip Joke
My mother taught for 11 years at a day-care center. One winter afternoon she was trying to show a young boy how to zip up his coat. "The secret," Mom said, "is to get this piece of the zipper to fit in the other side before you try to zip it up." After struggling with the zipper for several minutes, the boy sighed and said, "Why does it have to be a secret?"

Keys Joke
Luke, our venturesome 14-month-old son, was at my mother-in-law’s house. He was playing with her car keys when the phone rang. After hanging up, my mother-in-law realized that Luke had put the keys down someplace, but she couldn’t find them anywhere. Thinking quickly, she gave him another set of keys. As she pretended not to look, Luke toddled around the corner and into her bedroom. Then she watched as he carefully placed the second set of keys under her bed—right next to the original car keys.

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